My first flower

Little Man gave me a flower today.  He picked it at the park, then brought it to me and snuggled.  I melted.  It is being pressed to save.  He is the sweetest little boy ever, although I might be biased.

Someday...

My life will not involve cleaning or tracking other people's bowel movements.  Today is not that day.

P.S.  My tub has been cleaned 4 times in the last week.  This is not a good thing.

Something you should never ask

We were at a small local museum today and an older man noticed Little Man and Honeybun.  He asked if they were twins and then asked, "Did you cheat?"  I was taken aback and replied, "No."  I thought this would end our conversation.  I couldn't imagine that anyone would continue to question a complete stranger about how her children were conceived.  He followed up with, "So you just let Mother Nature take its course."  I moved us along as quickly as I could.

As I walked away I thought of all the things I could have said in reply.  A few of my options...

"Yes, I cheated.  I copied someone else's answers for the pregnancy test."

"They lived inside me for nine months, so no, I didn't cheat."

"Oh, so we're discussing personal health issues.  How's your prostate these days?"

And perhaps my husband's favorite, "Go f#@& yourself!"

I always thought the problem with these sorts of situations in life is that I am so shocked by the person's utter lack of respect and common decency that I am unable to come back with an appropriately affronted reply.  I try to end the conversation and remove myself (and my children) from the rude person as quickly as possible.

Looking back on it, though, I am glad I walked away with dignity.  First of all, his rudeness does not have to make me rude.  Secondly, there is no point in engaging someone who is displaying such poor social skills.  Thirdly, if he was clueless enough to ask such an inappropriate question, my profanity free responses might have sailed right over his head, and I don't curse out loud.  Finally (and most importantly), I don't want to place my children in a situation like that.  Leaving quickly was the best way for me to keep a rude, coarse and disrespectful person way from my impressionable little ones.

I do wish I had replied differently.  I am rehearsing my reply for future occasions. "That question is  inappropriate and rude.  Please leave us alone."  It communicates the person's breach of decent social conduct and allows me to end the encounter quickly.  

It is amazing, though.  Nobody would ask a person with one child which position they used to conceive, but plenty of people have no problem asking about my children's conception.  Twins are not public property, people!  

Buddies

Our new favorite pastime is squeezing into small spaces together!

Clean!

For a few brief minutes this week, my living room was clean!  The toys were all organized and put away, the floors were freshly swept and all clean laundry was folded and taken upstairs.  It stayed like this for about fifteen minutes, until the kiddies finished their snacks and got down to play.  Good thing I got photographic evidence!

Now it looks like this...

C'est la vie!

An accidental hike

Yesterday I accidentally took a four mile walk with my sixty pound stroller.  I know, four miles is not that much in the grander scheme of things, but I was pushing a sixty pound stroller and our neighborhood has some rolling hills and I had only planned to do two miles.

Why did I double my planned walk, you might ask.  Because I decided I didn't want to walk with my key and phone in my pocket.  They kind of mess with my gait and make my hips hurt a little.  Unfortunately I remembered this after I had left the house and I decided to put the keys in the stroller instead of going home to get a purse.

So my neighbor and I took off on our walk, me with my double stroller and kiddies, her with her carrier and baby boy.  We did our full two miles and then let the kids out to play in the grass at the little park on our route.  As we split up to head home I realized I did not have my keys or phone.  I flagged her down and we tried calling my phone and searched for my keys.  

Eventually, a nice old lady answered my phone and I picked it up from her.  Then my friend and I searched the park for my keys to no avail.  Finally we split up to finish the search.  I took the long loop and she headed home to search the rest of our route.  I ran into my husband almost immediately, so at least I had some help with the stroller for the second loop.  Halfway through my loop she called to let me know she had found them.  

Thank heaven!  I was not looking forward to rekeying my doors and getting new car keys.  We arrived home exhausted (all three of us) and covered with graham cracker crumbs.  I was forced to buy cooperation with snacks after the cherubs got sick of being in their stroller (I can't blame them, I was certainly sick of pushing their stroller).

Lessons of the day...

Bring a purse on walks

Put key and phone in purse

Do Not Lose Purse!

Also, I can do more walking than I thought.

Things I Love

Now that I have emerged from the haze of postpartum depression and anxiety, I'm enjoying my life so much more.  Here are some of the things I love these days.

Freshly painted toenails.  Nicely lacquered nails make me feel like a grownup, and these days I love expensive nail polish.  Okay, so it's still from Target, but it's still nice polish.  And I love that my daughter is old enough to request matching toes!

Gently stroking the backs of my babies heads as a walk by them.  This is Little Man's head, his hair is so soft and just a bit fuzzy and curly in the back.  I call him my fuzzy duck, which I suppose will bring him endless humiliation later in life.

Crayons!  I have a huge crayon tower, which my kids are not allowed to share.  I bought them a box of big, fat crayons for our art project times.  Little Man mostly tries to eat the crayons, but Honeybun colors a bit.

My new bed.  We got a new bed a few weeks ago and it is divine.  We're both sleeping so much better, it's ridiculous that we suffered with our old mattress so long.  It was saggy and unfortunate and had survived many years and the months of giant twin pregnancy.  

The "nummy jar."  It is actually an elephant shaped cookie jar, but it does not contain cookies.  It sits on our table and holds all of the kids' favorite treats/snacks.  Freeze-dried fruits, bunny grahams, fruit leather, yogurt melts, etc.  They get so excited when I lift the lid.

And my babies... They were once this tiny.

And my husband.

Retro baby cuteness!

Here are a few retro baby photos.  Cuteness ahead!

Cake!

We live in a tiny home with a poorly insulated oven.  This is great in the winter.  You put a turkey in the oven and the heater doesn't run much for a few hours.  In the summer, it's not so nice.  Try to bake something in July and the whole house turns into a sauna.  The only reason I turn on the oven in the summer is to make pie or the occasional emergency frozen pizza.

This means our summer is mostly devoid of cakes, muffins, brownies or cookies, since I don't stock much in the way or store bought baked goods.  Not that it's such a terrible thing, but every so often you want a little baked good.

Finally I have discovered the solution!  Making cake in the electric skillet.  I don't know why it took me so long to think of it, my grandmother made pineapple upside down cakes in her electric skillet.  It was one of my favorite cakes as a child, sweet buttery pineapple with maraschino cherries under golden sponge cake.

This weekend I made a berry cake, frozen mixed berries under a yellow cake.  I cooked it on medium low for about 20 minutes and it was delicious.  It had the texture of an English pudding since it was a little bit more steamed than baked, but it was yummy.  This weekend I'll try something chocolate.  

The kiddos enjoyed a little cake, as well.

Unexpected statements of parenting

There were some statements I anticipated uttering as a parent.  Things like: "No hitting!", "We don't throw our food," and "Yep, they're twins."  These days I find myself uttering more and more statements that I never expected to utter.  Here are a few...

To Little Man, while he 'helps' me do kitchen chores: "We don't sit on the dishwasher, buddy."

To Honeybun, at dinner: "Honey, pasta goes in our mouth, not our ears."

To my husband, after Honeybun bumped her head: "Which table did she hit... Oh she'll be fine."

To the helpful Target employee, while looking for a cart: "Thanks for looking, but this is a shop along cart.  I was looking for a shop along v2 cart."

To Little Man, while I am trying to prepare dinner: "Please don't shut your sister in the fridge."

To Honeybun, while she and Little Man are wrestling: "Don't tackle him too hard."

My husband to Honeybun, while Little Man was tickling her: "Be careful how you kick your brother."

To many curious people in public places: "Yes, one boy and one girl... No they're not identical twins."

And today's statement: "The blue crayon is not food, either." To Little Man, after he had sampled the purple and yellow crayons.

Babies making artwork for Daddy.

Did you know...

It is possible to carry two large ten month old babies in one ring sling wrap carrier.

It is possible for a one year old to get a cheerio inside their overalls, onesie and diaper without eating it.

It is possible to suck bath water out of a squirter bath toy.

Eggo waffles taste better when eaten off the floor (according to my children).

I can walk twice as far as I think I can while pushing my sixty pound stroller.

Whatever toy your sibling has is better than any other toy in the whole world!

One can communicate perfectly well through grunts.

Whipped cream in a spray can is terrifying to sixteen month old girls.

New baby happenings

As we wrap up our summer, Little Man and Honeybun are showing some new (and frankly adorable) personality traits.  It's so much fun to watch them turn into little people of their own.  I know they've always been people, but lets be honest, babies are just bundles of needs and complaints for quite awhile.  Even after they got past the 'bundle of needs' phase, their personalities were just beginning to emerge.

Now they are doing new and exciting things all the time.  Honeybun loves to copy mommy, so she steals my purse and drags shopping bags around the house.  Her favorite one is a red Coach bag, my baby girl has good taste.  She has also started adopting stuffed animals.  She snuggles with the Piglet taggie blanket that my mom made for her and she likes to carry her Elmo with her when she travels.  Standing over the air vents is by far her funniest new trait.  We have some cute Marilyn Monroe photos of her with her little dress blowing around.

Little Man wants to help with everything.  He is constantly looking for a door to close, even the doors we want to leave open.  He has come close to shutting his sister in the fridge a couple times.  He also helps us clean.  He steals paper towels, washcloths, wet wipes, etc. and 'wipes up' messes.  This usually makes a bigger mess, but it's adorable.  His new favorite place to hang out is my husband's favorite recliner.  He hauls his little body up in the chair, then sprawls out to relax.

It's become so much fun to be their mommy.  I'm so glad I got help dealing with my postpartum issues.  Being myself again has allowed me to enjoy my little family and pay better attention to the perfect little individuals my children are becoming.  It's a much better way to live.

Caution...adorable baby photos below!

June and July... Part 3

So after our departure from Nashville, the cherubs and I took up residence in Pensacola for two weeks.  At my parents' new home... the one with the enormous open floor plan, view of the bay, large backyard pool, dishwasher that magically unloads itself, washer and dryer that fold clothes, kitchen that prepares dinner and on call baby entertainers.  Okay, so the appliances don't actually do any work.  It just seems like they do because my parents and siblings do so many of the mind numbing chores that suck up my time.  

The other stuff is true, though.  When my parents moved from Michigan to Florida, they did it with gusto.  Their house is beautiful and I thoroughly enjoyed my extended stay.  Little Man and Honeybun were in heaven, too.  They had so much space to toddle around and new toys to explore, including the pool.  Plus my mom has two huge cabinets filled with Tupperware. And there is a dog.  Lucy, my parents retriever mix, was a very patient playmate and did funny things like tickling their toes at dinner.

We did one beach day when my husband came down for the weekend.  It was fun for an hour or so and then we got rained off the beach and stuck in a giant thunderstorm.  Honeybun enjoyed all aspects of the beach.  She sat right down and dug into the sand, then giggled while the surf splashed around her knees.  Little Man enjoyed his picnic lunch and splashing in a bucket of water, but wasn't so enthused about the actual gulf.

All in all it was a great trip.  My eighteen year old brother gets a world's best uncle award for making the two day drive home with us, stopping at Cracker Barrel for four meals, and listening to The Lumineers cd too many times to count.  Little Man and Honeybun are seasoned little travelers, but they were excited to get home and see their daddy and all their own things.

That's our summer adventure.  Here's some baby cuteness...

June and July... Part 2.

Now on to the exciting (good exciting, I guess the postpartum depression was exciting in its own way) parts of June and July.

First, our epic journey.  At the end of June we loaded up the minivan with our family and most of our portable worldly possessions and headed south.  Our first stop was Nashville, Tennessee to visit my husband's side of the family.  We've made the drive many times.  Before babies we could power through it in less than eight hours if we really wanted to get there fast.  Now there is no such thing as "powering through."  It's a solid eleven hour journey, now.  On a good run it involves two meal stops (at Cracker Barrel, exclusively) and at least one snack break at a rest area.

The kiddos did really well in the car, all things considered.  On a normal day they spend most of their time toddling purposefully around the house, moving objects from one room to another and trying to steal my phone and iPad.  On a travel day they spend most of their time sitting in a car seat, kicking their legs and chucking all of my toy and book offerings out of reach.  As a consolation we let them have pacifiers and we try to stop for long stretch breaks.

We made it to Nashville with our sanity intact and had a great week.  We saw old friends, went to a wedding, played in the creek behind Nana and Grandpa's house, played in the baby pool in the backyard and saw lots of family.  The only unpleasant parts were Honeybun's new tooth and the cold my husband caught.  Both interrupted my sleep and made us all a little cranky, except Little Man, he stayed cheerful.

After a week of play and fun, we moved on to the next stage of our journey.  Two of my siblings joined us for the drive south and we said goodbye to my husband for a week. 

To be continued...

I'll add pictures soon.

June and July... Epic journeys, water babies, and postpartum depression... Part 1

It's been about six weeks since I wrote and much has happened.  For simplicity's sake, let's go chronologically.

In mid-June the wheels came off the wagon with regard to my postpartum issues.  I've struggled with postpartum anxiety and depression since the cherubs were born.  I kept thinking I just needed a few good nights of sleep and a little relief from the hormones of breast feeding.  Then I finished weaning and my hormones CRASHED, epically crashed.

 I went from controlling my anxiety and depression (with effort, but still controlling) to crying when my husband left for work and obsessively searching the house for insects (we don't have a bug problem, it's just my trigger).  I struggled on my own for a week or so before I went to my doctor and got help.  I didn't want to start medication, but I needed help to be present and available for my family.  I'm so glad I did it.  After a week or so things started to level out and I started feeling like myself. 

I also gave myself permission to do things the easy way.  There's nothing wrong with whole grain toast and canned peaches for breakfast if the cherubs will eat it without throwing it on the floor.  Letting them watch an episode of Super Why at 5:30 in the evening every once in a while when I just need a few minutes to make dinner in peace is not going to rot out their brains.  Homemade smoothies might be ideal, but handing them a pouch of organic fruit and veggie purée is a perfectly nutritious snack.

I don't have to be a perfect mom, just a good one.  It's ok to fall short of my ideal goals, including the goal that I wouldn't need any medications to snap out of the anxiety and depression.  Being a mom is the best thing I have ever done.  The joys it has brought me are indescribable.  It is also the hardest thing I have ever done.  It involves exhaustion, frustration and isolation; and it is ok to need help.

To be continued...

P.S. The next entry is more cheerful.

P.P.S.  Pinterest, WebMD, and Google are the arch enemies of my sanity and self-esteem.

Resolutions for my daughter (and my son)

We are going to a wedding in 10 days, all four of us.  My little ones are fourteen months old and this will be their second wedding, but this time they get to attend the reception as well.  I love when small children are included in wedding invitations.  I understand that some people want a formal, elegant and grown-up affair and that's fine.  For me, weddings are about family and celebration and no one celebrates more joyfully than small children.  We had tons of kids at our wedding and while we had a few interesting moments because of them (my husband's cousin ate the frosting off the back of the groom's cake, my cousin ate too many marshmallows and threw up in the men's room), they made it a very joyful day.

Anyway, the point is that we are going to a wedding.  This requires formal clothing.  My husband is set, he has suits to choose from and lots of really nice ties.  My kiddos are set.  As long as they show up wearing mostly clean clothes people will proclaim their cuteness.  Plus they have some adorable coordinating outfits.  I, on the other hand, am having a hard time with my wardrobe.  

I had grand plans of getting back to the gym after the bambinos were born.  I had grand plans of eating carefully and sensibly every day.  I had grand plans of losing all the baby weight in the first year. None of these things happened.  Babies take a lot of naps and nursing gives you breasts so large that no sports bra can contain them.  Eating sensibly is easier said than done when you are exhausted and slightly depressed.  Some mornings you just need to reheat some chocolate chip pancakes to get through the day.  I'm still 20 pounds over my prepregnancy weight.  Even allowing for the extra muscle mass I've packed on lugging two babies around, I still want to lose 10-15 pounds.

As a result of all this, some of my old clothes fit and some do not.  Even the ones that fit don't fit the way they used to fit.  I've been assessing my choices for the wedding and I'm mostly unhappy.  My favorite dress is not an option and all of them require serious help from shapewear.  I was berating myself for being fat and unmotivated when I came to the realization that I have a daughter.  She is perfect and she always will be.  I never want her to feel about her stomach the way I felt about mine as I was trying on those dresses.  I don't want her trying fad diets and judging her reflection for every perceived imperfection.  I also don't want my son having negative body image issues about himself, thinking that skinny is the only beautiful for women.  So here are my resolutions for my children...

1.  I will never refer to dieting or say that I'm not eating something because I need to lose weight.  Food choices will be explained based on nutritional reasoning or "Mommy's doesn't feel like having cake."

2.  I will never say that I'm exercising to lose weight.  I will be exercising to stay healthy, get stronger, have fun, etc. 

3.  I will never bad mouth any part of my body.  My bulky thighs, those give me the strength I need to haul myself and 45+ pounds of child up off the floor, out to the car, etc.  My squishy stomach, that held 12 pounds and 6 ounces of baby, plus their little life support systems.  My stretch marks, well, I can't think of anything nice to say about them yet, so I won't say anything at all.  I'll work on it, though.

4.  I will never ask if I look fat in clothes.  An outfit might not be flattering on me, but I won't say it makes me look fat.

5.  I will accept all compliments unconditionally.  Women tend to be terrible at taking compliments and I think it just perpetuates so many body image issues.  When someone tells me I look nice (especially my husband or children) I will say "Thank you."

6.  I will endeavor to compliment my children based on their non-physical attributes more than they are complimented on their physical appearance.  This will be hard because my kids are cute and random strangers stop me in the store to tell me this.  I'm going to try to offset all those appearance-based compliments with other praise.

There's six to start.  I'm sure I will come up with more, but I think I'm off to a good start.  I don't want my baby girl (or my baby boy) to spend their youth criticizing their own bodies and trying to cover up perceived flaws.  Hopefully this will set them on the right path.  

Here's some random baby love.  

Parenthood training exercises!

Lots of people ask if I felt prepared to have twins.  The answer is "no."  I think most parents would tell you that they did not feel prepared before they had children.  If you'd like to do some training exercises to prepare yourself for twins (or one baby), you're in luck.  My next few posts will give you the practice you need to feel prepared for whatever comes your way.

Mealtime:

Invite two loved ones over for dinner, preferably people whose welfare genuinely concerns you.

Carefully prepare a nutritious meal and dice it into pinky fingernail sized pieces.

Arrange on three child sized plates and present two of these to your guests.

Sit down and begin eating the meal on your plate.  Do this without looking at your plate.  Instead let your eyes dart back and forth between your dinner guests, keeping tabs on their food consumption and swooping in to prevent plate throwing.

Have your guests smash their food into an abstract art composition while eating no more than 5 bites.

After 5 minutes, guests should begin tossing bits of food on the floor, at this point cheerfully encourage them to "take a taste" or "have a bite" while taking exaggerated bites from your own plate.

After 10 minutes guests should have either thrown all food on the floor or hidden it in their laps.  They should then begin pulling at your clothes and person with their sticky and drool covered hands (did I mention that your guests should drool into their plates, rendering any non-floor leftovers unfit for human consumption?)

Using a warm wet washcloth, clean guests hands and faces.  At this point guests should scream like you've come at them with sandpaper.  When hands are clean, they should pull out the bits of food they hid in their laps and smear them on their faces. After cleaning hands and faces again, guests should look at you like you have offended them to their very core. 

Escort your guests from the table.  At this point they should look at you like you just hung the moon and give you a hug of the sort people get at airports after long trips.

While the final step is rewarding, the whole process can be trying.  It is important to maintain a positive attitude throughout, especially when guests rub macaroni and cheese in your hair or try to stick peas up their noses.

Stay tuned for more exercises

Let's try this again

I stopped blogging about six months ago. My excuse is that I was too exhausted for higher functions. I managed to fight my way through the haze of exhaustion for the first six months because I assumed that at some point my angels would start sleeping through the night on their own. They did not. Instead, they went from sleeping for six hour stretches at least once per night to sleeping three hours or less at a time. Grown-ups are not meant to function like this for more than six months. I gradually became less and less capable of adult thought. Finally, at eight months I put my foot down. We were done eating at night. The kitchen of Caroline was closed from 8pm to 5am.

So we stopped eating at night, but we did not stay asleep all night. Every so often I would get a really good night. I would get to sleep six or seven hours without interruption. Unfortunately these were few and far between. Life seemed to be a series of colds, coughs, teething, visits and other things that interrupted baby sleep. Things seem to be settling out now and I'm occasionally getting a seven hour night.

Anyway, the cherubs are one year old now and I have survived the infancy period. I'm going to try blogging again. Here's a photo of the little ones...